Lo siento, the blog has temporarily passed away due to a series of unfortunate events.
On the other hand, Joe Mauer is a superhero.
Even Baby Bartlett isn't too bad.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Away
Yours truly will be on vacation over the next week or so.
Updates may be sparse.
Hold your horses.
The Twins will still reign.
Updates may be sparse.
Hold your horses.
The Twins will still reign.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Unedited Stream of Consciousness
...thoughts...
What a day.
Punto’s batting average, according to Dick Bremer, bottomed out yesterday. Alas, he’s climbing out of the deep dark bottomless pit we all thought he was in.
Red Dawg is engaging in some Ultimate Baseball.
Poor Mauer.
Morneau must have had tater tots for dinner…because it’s a slugfest now!
Torii started feeling bad. Knowing there wasn’t much hope with Garza batting, he decided just to hit one out , too.
And JASON KUBEL shaved. He doesn’t look like Jack Black any more.
Could today get any more weird?
“Pardon me, are these the White Sox, or the White Sux?”
...play by play...
Morneau 3-run jack.
Red Dawg makes a great play.
Red Dawg pummeled by Thome’s bat.
Red Dawg out of the game.
Joe Mauer catches (after a 4 hour afternoon game).
Matt Garza bats.
Morneau solo tater.
Torii solo bomb.
Cuddles solo boom.
HAT TRICK.
Fan interception but a called out.
Bases loaded again.
Cirillo…no, just…no.
Bases loaded still: to bat - the batting dangers of the Twins…Jeff Cirillo and Nicky Punto
...amazingness...
Surreal.
Today is Heaven.
It is also the longest day in the history of baseball.
What a day.
Punto’s batting average, according to Dick Bremer, bottomed out yesterday. Alas, he’s climbing out of the deep dark bottomless pit we all thought he was in.
Red Dawg is engaging in some Ultimate Baseball.
Poor Mauer.
Morneau must have had tater tots for dinner…because it’s a slugfest now!
Torii started feeling bad. Knowing there wasn’t much hope with Garza batting, he decided just to hit one out , too.
And JASON KUBEL shaved. He doesn’t look like Jack Black any more.
Could today get any more weird?
“Pardon me, are these the White Sox, or the White Sux?”
...play by play...
Morneau 3-run jack.
Red Dawg makes a great play.
Red Dawg pummeled by Thome’s bat.
Red Dawg out of the game.
Joe Mauer catches (after a 4 hour afternoon game).
Matt Garza bats.
Morneau solo tater.
Torii solo bomb.
Cuddles solo boom.
HAT TRICK.
Fan interception but a called out.
Bases loaded again.
Cirillo…no, just…no.
Bases loaded still: to bat - the batting dangers of the Twins…Jeff Cirillo and Nicky Punto
...amazingness...
Surreal.
Today is Heaven.
It is also the longest day in the history of baseball.
A Sad (but true) Story
Little Kevin Slowpoke of the Minnesota Twins, like so many boys his age, dreams of what lies over the ballpark fence. One day a Yankee hits the ball and carries him away over the fence to another world. Come join Slowpoke, Carmen California, the Twins, the Yankees, and AAA Rochester as they travel the universe of baseball.
The original cast recording of The Game From Hell includes the songs Over The Fence, Munchkinland (Ding Dong! Nicky Punto's Alive), If I Only Had A Hit, If I Only Had A Run, If I Only Had A Win , We're Off To See The Wild Card (Follow The Road Trip Schedule), The Jitterbug, and The Merry Old Land of the Bronx.
A storybook opens to depict little Slowey on the mezmerizing New York skyline, when suddenly a ball comes up, turns his world to the bases loaded, and he lands on the mound, which promptly throws him off. His friend Carmen California finds his way to the Major Leagues, so Jardinero oils him up and accompanies him. They watch Slowpoke meander off the mound before being ushered into AAA Rochester by singing suits of Red Wings and a lavish parade of minor leagers before meeting the scouts, devious little men who transform prospects into uncontrollable stars, much to Slowpoke’s dismay. Finally, Pokey realizes he is at home in AAA and that he can turn the game over to Surfer Dude Cali to ensure eternal happiness for the Twins.
The original cast recording of The Game From Hell includes the songs Over The Fence, Munchkinland (Ding Dong! Nicky Punto's Alive), If I Only Had A Hit, If I Only Had A Run, If I Only Had A Win , We're Off To See The Wild Card (Follow The Road Trip Schedule), The Jitterbug, and The Merry Old Land of the Bronx.
A storybook opens to depict little Slowey on the mezmerizing New York skyline, when suddenly a ball comes up, turns his world to the bases loaded, and he lands on the mound, which promptly throws him off. His friend Carmen California finds his way to the Major Leagues, so Jardinero oils him up and accompanies him. They watch Slowpoke meander off the mound before being ushered into AAA Rochester by singing suits of Red Wings and a lavish parade of minor leagers before meeting the scouts, devious little men who transform prospects into uncontrollable stars, much to Slowpoke’s dismay. Finally, Pokey realizes he is at home in AAA and that he can turn the game over to Surfer Dude Cali to ensure eternal happiness for the Twins.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Yankee Stadium At Large
Due to a series of unfortunate event, I was only able to watch the 1st through 4th innings of the game. Though, after reviewing the recap, it seems this is a good thing.
I turned the TV to channel 30, and I was aghast to see the Twins ahead, 2-1. However, it didn’t stay pleasant for long.
Not only was Slowey especially slow, he took his time dealing out plenty of easy scoring opportunities. Seeing Terry Ryan run to the mound in the 2nd was like nailing Jello to the wall. Evidently Slowey felt the same way. He managed to pitch, get this, all the way through part of the fourth inning.
Later in the 2nd inning, with 2 men on and the game tied, I decided to start ironing. When Cabrera hit a 3-run jack, I restrained from throwing the iron directly at the television. When I saw Ortiz in the bullpen, I was no longer full of anger towards the Hated Yankees. Rather, my poor little heart was full of sorrow. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised.
The Yankees defense turned from quick to slow-ey. The Yankees essentially obliterated their own defense. The Twins broke it open. Piranha action, you say? No, this was just good ball playing - a concept new to the Twins in the Bronx.
Igawa came in to pitch the 5th wearing his sunglasses and thinking, “I’m SO better than you. Score’s 5-2, and you think Slowey is a Major League pitcher!? Ha. Little did he know that pitching with your mouth hanging open never leads to good things. Igawa, if you think you’re big stuff, you’ve got a lot to learn.
The only good part of the game started out with Cirillo’s over-the-fence double, and ended with Cuddles’ pop out. In between consisted of a coaching visit to the mound, Nicky Boy walking (rather, running to 1st base), Baby B doubling (thanks to a dumb field play)… Only God knows what was happening in the field. But alas, the score somehow climbed to 5-5.
The rest of the game? Let’s not think about that. At least Little Nicky redeemed himself with his first hit in what, a thousand at bats?
I turned the TV to channel 30, and I was aghast to see the Twins ahead, 2-1. However, it didn’t stay pleasant for long.
Not only was Slowey especially slow, he took his time dealing out plenty of easy scoring opportunities. Seeing Terry Ryan run to the mound in the 2nd was like nailing Jello to the wall. Evidently Slowey felt the same way. He managed to pitch, get this, all the way through part of the fourth inning.
Later in the 2nd inning, with 2 men on and the game tied, I decided to start ironing. When Cabrera hit a 3-run jack, I restrained from throwing the iron directly at the television. When I saw Ortiz in the bullpen, I was no longer full of anger towards the Hated Yankees. Rather, my poor little heart was full of sorrow. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised.
The Yankees defense turned from quick to slow-ey. The Yankees essentially obliterated their own defense. The Twins broke it open. Piranha action, you say? No, this was just good ball playing - a concept new to the Twins in the Bronx.
Igawa came in to pitch the 5th wearing his sunglasses and thinking, “I’m SO better than you. Score’s 5-2, and you think Slowey is a Major League pitcher!? Ha. Little did he know that pitching with your mouth hanging open never leads to good things. Igawa, if you think you’re big stuff, you’ve got a lot to learn.
The only good part of the game started out with Cirillo’s over-the-fence double, and ended with Cuddles’ pop out. In between consisted of a coaching visit to the mound, Nicky Boy walking (rather, running to 1st base), Baby B doubling (thanks to a dumb field play)… Only God knows what was happening in the field. But alas, the score somehow climbed to 5-5.
The rest of the game? Let’s not think about that. At least Little Nicky redeemed himself with his first hit in what, a thousand at bats?
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
The resurrection
I turned on the game mid-afternoon, and proudly proclaimed, “Oh! We’re only losing by one run!” Not until later on in the game did I realize how truly pathetic this statement was.
To begin, it appeared the Diet Pepsi Fans of the Game were the only three poor little Twinkies fans in all of Yankee Stadium. However, the result of some great ball playing caused me to look back on the day and consider:
At three o'clock today, the game preparations of Johan Santana were unbeknownst to Jardinero. While one would suspect he was stretching and preparing for the game, JohanTheAllStar was rummaging through his closet. At last, he pulled out his old stringy uniforms and instead of a ball and glove, JohanTheAllStar removed from his closet his old fencing equipment. When he was finally dressed for the game, he looked in the mirror and whispered to himself, "Mussina, it is time for the duel of all duels. It is time for a Yankee beatdown."
Little did Santana know, but the great ball game would be the result of not only outstanding pitching, but dinky piranha action.
…Dick Bremer, amongst his usual chatter, explained it all: "Punto did something great to help the ball club today." Little Sparky redeemed himself after all. Playing second base, Nicky Boy must have felt like the good ol’ utility player he used to be…
…As Jason Kubel hit a 2-run homer, Luis Rodriguez quietly watched from the back of the dugout with a glow in his eyes…
…Pat Neshek came in for the 8th, and all the true Twins fans went to MLB.com and downloaded the "Vote Neshek" wallpaper. The rest of the Twins fans thought, “who is this guy?” At the end of the inning, the whole nation was stunned after Neshek went CRASH. Out. BANG. Out. BOOM. Out. The end…
…When he came up to bat in the 9th, Little L-Rod thought to himself, "I want to do that, too! I want to be a big boy. A hero." Lo and behold, Little L-Rod stunned the entire Yankee Stadium by jutting the ball to as far right field as he could go without it going foul. As he ran the bases, the crowd was silent in awe, except for little L-Rod's childhood playmates cheering him on…
Will the Yankees take the series, you ask?
Dream on, New York.
To begin, it appeared the Diet Pepsi Fans of the Game were the only three poor little Twinkies fans in all of Yankee Stadium. However, the result of some great ball playing caused me to look back on the day and consider:
At three o'clock today, the game preparations of Johan Santana were unbeknownst to Jardinero. While one would suspect he was stretching and preparing for the game, JohanTheAllStar was rummaging through his closet. At last, he pulled out his old stringy uniforms and instead of a ball and glove, JohanTheAllStar removed from his closet his old fencing equipment. When he was finally dressed for the game, he looked in the mirror and whispered to himself, "Mussina, it is time for the duel of all duels. It is time for a Yankee beatdown."
Little did Santana know, but the great ball game would be the result of not only outstanding pitching, but dinky piranha action.
…Dick Bremer, amongst his usual chatter, explained it all: "Punto did something great to help the ball club today." Little Sparky redeemed himself after all. Playing second base, Nicky Boy must have felt like the good ol’ utility player he used to be…
…As Jason Kubel hit a 2-run homer, Luis Rodriguez quietly watched from the back of the dugout with a glow in his eyes…
…Pat Neshek came in for the 8th, and all the true Twins fans went to MLB.com and downloaded the "Vote Neshek" wallpaper. The rest of the Twins fans thought, “who is this guy?” At the end of the inning, the whole nation was stunned after Neshek went CRASH. Out. BANG. Out. BOOM. Out. The end…
…When he came up to bat in the 9th, Little L-Rod thought to himself, "I want to do that, too! I want to be a big boy. A hero." Lo and behold, Little L-Rod stunned the entire Yankee Stadium by jutting the ball to as far right field as he could go without it going foul. As he ran the bases, the crowd was silent in awe, except for little L-Rod's childhood playmates cheering him on…
Will the Yankees take the series, you ask?
Dream on, New York.
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